As neuroscience has advanced, it is no surprise that maternal mental health plays a role on an infant’s physical development and overall wellbeing. That being said, when we think maternal mental health, we are often reminded of postpartum depression and anxiety. However, what are the benefits to taking care of maternal mental health during pregnancy and during the first few years of a child’s life?

According to Phua (2020), women that take care of their mental health during their pregnancies are more likely to have babies with higher birth weights. By incorporating stress management tools from counseling sessions there was a direct correlation with a lower chance of having a premature baby (Phua, 2020). Additionally, Phua’s study also found that women that had positive mental health during their pregnancies were more likely to have children that had higher levels of empathy, imitative play, higher cognitive functioning, and better communication skills. Conversely, women that did not get mental health help and suffered from untreated depression and anxiety during their pregnancies were more likely to have children with higher levels of adolescent depression and obesity (Phua, 2020).

For the mothers that do have premature infants, there can also be mental health implications such as self-blame, depression, anxiety, and overall impaired mental health (Porat-Zyman et al., 2019). Porat-Zyman’s study reveals that a premature infant is likely to have Posttraumatic Growth (PG) problems for up to four years after birth (Porat-Zyman et al., 2019). However, the effects of PG are reduced significantly if the mother’s mental health is higher at the time of premature birth and maintained at a higher level in the years following a premature birth (Porat-Zyman et al., 2019). In other words, a mother’s mental health is important for a child’s physical and mental health and the better a mother’s mental health the healthier the baby will be even in the case of a premature delivery.

Maternal mental health is not to be taken lightly. If mothers get mental health support during pregnancy and for the first few years of their baby’s life, they are more likely to have happier lives and healthier babies. #MMHWeek2021 and #MakingOverMotherhood  #MMHWeek2021

Written by: Amanda Meffert, a graduate student obtaining her Masters in Clinical Mental Health from Northwestern University.. She provides services to children, adolescents, adults, and seniors to address a broad range of concerns, including adjustment difficulties, anxiety, depression and relationship challenges.

It’s awareness month!  So, what is the purpose of an awareness month?  An awareness month is all about helping raise awareness about a particular cause or issue and helping us know what we can do to help. This month at Crossroads Family Counseling Center we are focusing on awareness of five important issues related to mental health and well-being:

#1 Autism Awareness Month

#2 Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month

#3 Stress Awareness Month

#4 National Child Abuse Prevention Month

#5 Alcohol Awareness Month

With so may important issues and causes to be aware of, it can be hard to keep up on all of them and be involved, so for this month’s blog, we’re going to provide a few interesting facts and a fun suggestion for how you can learn more, promote awareness, and support a worthy cause:

#1 Autism Awareness Month

• Approximately 1 in 68 children are affected by an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and boys are 5x more likely than girls to be diagnosed.
• About 50,000 individuals with ASD exit high school each year and many support services required by law end after high school.
• It is speculated that Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton were on the spectrum.
• A Fun To-Do: Check out the docuseries Love on the Spectrum (streaming on Netflix). This heartwarming series is a great way to learn more about some of the unique challenges adults on the spectrum may face when it comes to dating.  Here’s a link for the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kX-QbcXyZug

#2 Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month

• The self-reported incidence of rape or sexual assault more than doubled from 2017 to 2018. It is estimated that 734,630 people were raped in the united states in 2018.
• Ages 12-34 are the highest risk years for rape or sexual assault.
• According to the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network (RAINN), 1 out of every 6 women in the US has been a victim of an attempted or completed rape. Men who attend college are 5x more likely than non-student males to be the victim of rape or sexual assault.
• A Fun To-Do: The National Sexual Violence Resource Center has a podcast all about ways we can work together to stop sexual assault and create a safer world: https://www.nsvrc.org/podcasts

#3 Stress Awareness Month

• 77% of Americans report having physical symptoms due to stress. 48% of Americans say stress has negatively impacted their personal and professional lives.
• Feeling occasional stress can be helpful, but ongoing stress can lead to serious health problems.
• One in five American college students reported in an April 2020 survey that their mental health has gotten significantly worse during the pandemic. Stress is not just a “normal rite of passage” for college students.  It is a serious mental health concern.
• A Fun To-Do: Did you know that engaging in activities you enjoy reduces stress?  Pretend your doctor just handed you a prescription that says, “Do something you enjoy for at least 30 minutes each day.” Now go do it!

#4 National Child Abuse Prevention Month

• It is estimated that 1 in 7 children experience abuse each year.
• “Abusers” are often ordinary people caught in challenging life situations.
• It’s important to teach children that no adult should ever ask them to keep a hurtful secret. A secret like a birthday present is okay, but a secret about someone hurting someone else is not.
• A Fun To-Do: Check out these videos from the Children’s Bureau for ideas on how you can support children in your community: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/resources/multimedia-gallery/

#5 Alcohol Awareness Month

• 3% of high school seniors report that they used alcohol in the past year (NIH 2020 Monitoring the Future Survey). Alcohol use during adolescence can interfere with healthy brain development.
• About 95,000 Americans die each year from alcohol-related causes.
• About 1 in 10 children in the use lives in a home where at least one parent has an Alcohol Use Disorder.

A Fun To-Do: Sesame street has some great video resources about parental addiction. Check out the video at the bottom of this page: https://www.sesameworkshop.org/what-we-do/traumatic-experiences

Written by Susan Hardman, Ed.S., NCSP, is a nationally certified school psychologist and current James Madison University doctoral student intern in clinical and school psychology. She enjoys working with children, adolescents, adults. 

There are many ways that people can live a happier and healthier life. But what attributes to a healthy mind? Exercise, socializing, a better diet, etc.? During this pandemic, there were many things that were taken away from our normal health and wellness routines.

But one thing seemed to help: physical activity. While people often associate physical activity with vigorous exercise, it turns out that any activity whether it be leisurely or high intensity can reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety. What that means is whether you go to the gym, walk your dog, or clean the house you will be reducing many physical and mental health ailments (Amatriain-Fernández et al., 2020). It is recommended that people get 30 minutes of moderate activity a day or 20 minutes of rigorous activity every other day (Amatriain-Fernández et al., 2020). While exercise is one way to increase mental and physical wellness, there are other ways that the mind and body can be enhanced.

Music is another wonderful gift that can improve mental health and actual physical changes to the brain. Everyone has heard that listening to Mozart can improve cognitive functioning and study habits, but what can learning to play and instrument do for our brains? In 2017, neuroscientists found that young children with two years of musical training (like learning to play an instrument) were more likely to have stronger brain connections and were better and things like conflict processing (Sachs et al., 2017). It was also found that children with ADHD symptoms were able to improve their cognitive functioning and task load after undergoing music training (Sachs et al., 2017). One of the reasons they believe this is happening is that music can affect the part of the brain that deals with impulsivity as well as behavioral changes in their surroundings.

Another fascinating way that we can improve our mental health is by learning a foreign language. For instance, scientists have found that learning a second language for eight year old children can improve their vocabulary in their native tongue and improve their memory for up to six months (Andrä, 2020). Using pictures and gestures to describe a foreign word enhances learning abilities and performance (Andrä, 2020). They also found that pictures and gestures in a foreign language improve not only concrete thinking (table, desk, etc.), but abstract thinking (deeper thoughts) as well (Andrä, 2020). The reason this is important is because abstract thinking tends to develop more slowly than concrete thinking in children. However, if a second language is introduced, abstract thinking forms almost as quickly (Andrä, 2020).

While there are many ways that mental health and wellness can be improved, physical activity, vigorous exercise, music, and learning a second language are all things that can be done right from home even in the time of the COVID-19 pandemic. As long as we keeps our bodies moving and our brains improving, our mental and physical health are sure to be more robust. Hopefully all of us can take some time out of our day to use these tips to increase our overall wellness.

Written by: Amanda Meffert, a graduate student obtaining her Masters in Clinical Mental Health from Northwestern University.. She provides services to children, adolescents, adults, and seniors to address a broad range of concerns, including adjustment difficulties, anxiety, depression and relationship challenges.

This month is play therapy awareness month!  In this post, I’ll talk about what play therapy is, how it differs from other types of therapy for children, and take a quick look at some of the research on its efficacy.  But first…

Imagine you are about to see a therapist for the first time.  You’re feeling hopeful, but a little nervous.  You’ve never been to therapy before and you don’t know what to expect.  You arrive at your appointment on time and are welcomed into the therapist’s office.  Your new therapist looks at you kindly, and then starts speaking in an entirely different language.  At first, you’re not sure what to do, so you try to speak in your native language.  The therapist looks a little confused, but smiles back and continues speaking. You have no idea what she is saying.  Your hope of understanding and being understood is fading away.   

While this example may seem a bit dramatic, I hope it illustrates what a child might experience in therapy that wasn’t suited to their developmental stage.  Expecting children to communicate in the same way adults communicate is like asking them to speak a foreign language.  It simply isn’t realistic.  Children require a form of therapy that enables them to communicate in ways that are developmentally appropriate.  That’s where Play Therapy comes in.  Play is a child’s natural way of exploring the world, and through play, children are often able to express what they might not be able to convey in words.

What is Play Therapy?

Play therapy is a structured, evidence-based therapy for children.  In Play Therapy, play is seen as a child’s natural way of communicating.

“Play Therapy is based upon the fact that play is the child’s natural medium of self expression … It is an opportunity which is given to the child to ‘play out’ his feelings and problems just as in certain types of adult therapy an individual ‘talks out’ his difficulties.”  Virginia Axline 

In Play Therapy sessions children are given access to a large variety of toys and supported in expressing their difficulties through play.  Play therapists tailor each session to the individual child’s needs.

Play Therapy vs. Other Therapies for Children 

It is important to understand the difference between Play Therapy and other forms of therapy for children.  For example, some therapists provide toys as a way of helping children feel comfortable and encouraging them to talk, but this isn’t necessarily play therapy.  While play therapists are supportive of children talking, having a direct conversation about the child’s difficulties isn’t the end goal in a play therapy session.  Play therapists recognize that a child does not need to explicitly verbalize her or his feelings to benefit profoundly from a therapy session.

Is Play Therapy Effective?   

The short answer is, Yes!  Four separate meta-analyses showed that play therapy for children had moderately large to large effect sizes (Golding, 2016).  Those are BIG effect sizes!  The research is showing us that play therapy is as effective as most forms of psychotherapy for adults.  It is also showing us that Play Therapy is just as effective as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for children, and may have some distinct advantages over CBT, like being more cognitively/linguistically appropriate.

To learn more about play therapy and some great resources for parents, check out the Parent’s Corner at the Association for Play Therapy website: https://www.a4pt.org/page/ParentsCornerHomePag

Written by Susan Hardman, Ed.S., NCSP, is a nationally certified school psychologist and current James Madison University doctoral student intern in clinical and school psychology. She enjoys working with children, adolescents, adults. 

Reference: M Golding, J. (2016). Evidence-based child and adolescent psychotherapy: It’s not what you think: Evidence-based psychotherapy. Journal of Paediatrics and Child Health, 52(10), 919–922. https://doi.org/10.1111/jpc.13272

The COVID-19 pandemic has caused a rise in numerous physical and mental health disorders globally. However, one of them in particular is trending upwards and can be seen in all populations and all age ranges. The common disorder in mention is none other than social anxiety. The reason there has been an increase in social anxiety cases is in part because of social isolation due to COVID-19. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (2020), every year the amount of people in the United States suffering from social anxiety increases. This year, the number of people that report having social anxiety increased from 7.1% to 12.1%.

What does social anxiety look like?

• A fear of being judged or criticized by others
• Feeling self-conscious or fearful in social settings
• A fear of meeting new or interacting with a new group of people
• A fear of speaking in class for being judged by peers
• A fear of not following new “COVID-19” rules properly (e.g., following the taped arrows in shopping markets correctly)

What does the research tell us?

In a study by Ikeda (2020), people with higher levels of social anxiety tend to have an increased awareness of the micro expressions of other people. While there are many reasons for this hyperawareness, if someone already struggling with social anxiety has a marked decrease in socializing, it can be understood that when they are in social settings, they will be even more anxious than previous years. Now, when people with social anxiety are immersed in rare social settings, this causes a hyperawareness in microfacial expressions but a diminished ability to properly interpret those facial expressions. Neutral facial expressions are more often seen as angry or displeased by persons with social anxiety than they are by their non-anxious counterparts. Additionally, with many work settings becoming remote, people are practicing their social skills less while also interpreting people’s reactions more harshly. In turn, people will fear being judged, criticized, or embarrassed when in public and make more effort to avoid social settings.

In an another study by Michikyan (2020), adolescents and young adults with social anxiety tend to self-present themselves online through social media as their ideal and less realistic self. Being that people with social anxiety tend to socialize online more than in person, these people are also more subject to online bullying or criticism. Due to the pandemic and people having a stronger presence online, adolescents and adults with social anxiety are practicing their social skills less and self-presenting their false selves through their social media presence more. Moreover, people with social anxiety are more likely to compare themselves to others’ social media platforms and this will in turn increase their own self-critical behaviors.

Is there a way to treat social anxiety?

In order to decrease social anxiety, seeking support for talk therapy can be majorly beneficial. Working with a counselor can help people to understand themselves and others while also increasing their time spent outside the home and socializing. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, play therapy, art therapy, and mindfulness are some forms of treatment utilized in reducing social anxiety.

What can I do from home?

• Practice making trips outside of home
• Reduce exposure to social media
• Meditation
• Yoga
• Practice socially distanced socializing (Zoom, Facetime, Houseparty)
• 
• Practice being in the moment (5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and one thing you can taste)
• Deep breathing from the diaphragm (don’t lift those shoulders upon inhaling)

Written by: Amanda Meffert, a graduate student obtaining her Masters in Clinical Mental Health from Northwestern University.. She provides services to children, adolescents, adults, and seniors to address a broad range of concerns, including adjustment difficulties, anxiety, depression and relationship challenges.

The year is winding down, soon to be welcomed in by something new, something hopeful, and something promising. However, that does not diminish the reflections we have had and may continue to have on what 2020 has looked like, though it varies from person to person. What was beginning to look one way in 2020 suddenly took a big swing, and along with that one swing came many other subsequent changes. Some found gratitude in the small things, some struggled with change, and some found themselves grappling with loss. As we continue to navigate this unknown and yet constantly changing space, it’s helpful to show empathy toward ourselves and those around us.

What is empathy?

As Dr. Brené Brown has uncovered through her extensive research on empathy, vulnerability, and risk, empathy is equated with connection and because of the connection, it is effortful. Empathy asks us to step back and take the perspective of another, to listen without judgement, and to communicate with validation that we see what another is feeling. Empathy doesn’t need us to understand, but it does ask us to see and to witness. To witness with our full attention…well, that’s scary. It’s easier to shrink and run away back to what is comfortable, which is why we often resort to sympathy.

What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?

As Brown explains here, sympathy and empathy are often intertwined, but they are very different. Sympathy is comfortable because it allows us to mildly participate. We can understand someone’s problem, we can patch it up, and then we return to how we function. However, the person on the other end may not feel better. Empathy requires experiencing someone’s concern, listening to them, and validating them, which makes it tough. When we use sympathy, we often respond with “but” or “at least.” What if a friend of yours lost their job due to the COVID pandemic? A sympathetic response may have us say “at least you’re still healthy. You can go find another job!” However, an empathetic response might invite us to sit with their real feelings and respond, “I’m so sorry. You must be really scared.” The second one allows for a deeper connection. You see the other person and they will see you in return.

Practicing Empathy

This time of year may be challenging for some and rewarding for others. Being empathetic towards yourself and those you love allows for more kindness, forgiveness, and connection. What are some steps you can take to gets there?

• Mindfully listen: Listen without judgment. To help with this practice, reflect back to the person you are talking to about what you have observed they said, “I heard you say this…” You can acknowledge something without agreeing with it.
• Describe the emotions or thoughts that have been said or unsaid: “It sounds like you feel sad, scared, excited, angry” or “I wonder if you’re feeling or thinking this…” Describing the emotion, or naming it, provides validation and it increases a person’s level of safety to open up further.
• Match vulnerability: Openly express that you have felt this way too to validate their feelings and to increase their feelings of safety. “I also feel___ at times…”
• Responding: “What do you need?” Do they need a solution, or to continue listening? Do they want to do something different together? Showing this response reflects that you care about the action that is most appropriate at this time.

Though these strategies are intended to use when speaking to someone else, exploring what you need internally will expand that empathy and kindness to yourself. Giving yourself empathy will help you extend it to others.

Written By:  Alice Zic, MPH, MSW, a Supervisee in Social Work, specializes in supporting individuals and families in healing from trauma, ADHD, emotion regulation, depression, anxiety, grief and loss, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and kinship family dynamics. Additionally, Alice enjoys working with and has a special interest in family gap conflict, issues of acculturation, and navigating multicultural identity. She is bilingual in Bosnian/Croatian/Serbian and is conversational in Mandarin Chinese.

With Thanksgiving approaching, you may find yourself thinking about gratitude.  Research shows that practicing gratitude is associated with a host of potential benefits, including improvements in mood, stronger relationships with others, greater resilience, better physical health, and enhanced life satisfaction. Put simply, experiencing and expressing gratitude can help people lead more positive and fulfilling lives.

It’s important to acknowledge that gratitude doesn’t always come easily. For many of us, gratitude is difficult because life is difficult. It’s hard to feel grateful when we are struggling. Yet gratitude doesn’t require us to minimize our struggles or suppress painful thoughts and emotions. Rather, it involves recognizing and appreciating the sources of good in our lives, while fully acknowledging the bad. Whatever our circumstances in life, we can still take time to appreciate what we have.

There are many ways to cultivate an “attitude of gratitude.” Here are a few fun examples:

1. Gratitude Jar. Try to notice something you are grateful for each day, write it down on a slip of paper, and put it in a jar. Whenever you need a pick-me-up, open the jar to remind yourself of the many sources of joy in your life. Take some time to reflect on and write down a few of the things you are grateful for.To help yourself develop a daily habit, keep your entries brief and pick a regular time to write each day.  Not a big writer?  Try drawing a picture instead!
2. Journaling.Take some time to reflect on and write down a few of the things you are grateful for.To help yourself develop a daily habit, keep your entries brief and pick a regular time to write each day.  Not a big writer?  Try drawing a picture instead!
3. Gratitude Letters. Try focusing on the people you are grateful for, rather than things or circumstances. Take time to write a letter or note to someone you are grateful for, and tell them about the positive impact they have had on your life. Want to share your gratitude with neighbors?  Leave a message of thanks on the sidewalk with sidewalk chalk!
4.  Mealtime Thanks. Go around the dinner table and take turns sharing what you are grateful for. Try to mention something new each day.  To make this activity more fun, chose an object like a stuffed animal to pass around the table as each person shares.
5. New Year’s Eve Gratitude Chain. Each day write things you are grateful for on a slip of paper. Connect the slips of paper to form a chain.  On New Years Eve, take time to read through each of the slips of paper and reflect on your year.At Crossroads Family Counseling Center we are grateful for the children and families that we works with.  Happy Thanksgiving! Written by Susan Hardman, Ed.S., NCSP, is a nationally certified school psychologist and current James Madison University doctoral student intern in clinical and school psychology. She enjoys working with children, adolescents, adults. 

Coivd-19 has driven us all inside our homes and bubbles. We are spending more time with our children and family members than ever before. And yet, we are stressed over work, online or hybrid school routines and the idea our schedules could all change again in an hour. And while we may feel like we see our children all the time, the connection may not be feeling as strong as before March.

Research shows that the quality of time together drives a feeling of intimacy and connection across all our relationships. Anxiety and stress reduces our ability to make meaningful moments with others. How can we reduce anxiety, manage stress and offer more of ourselves in a moment? In a few words, the answer lies in self-care and quality time.

Self-care is identifying what I need and getting that need met by myself and asking others for support.

Self-care ideas to consider:

• Acknowledge this is a moment of suffering we are all going through. Ourselves, our families our neighbors, our communities are all negatively affected by Covid-19 and will be for the foreseeable future. Given this incredibly hard challenge, how can I provide comfort to myself? What do I need to feel soothed? Extra sleep? A walk? 5-minutes of deep breathing while taking a shower? If we can self-soothe, we will be able to help others more effectively. If we are upset, we will not be able to calm others around us.
• Prioritize and commit to daily self-care habits. By building a foundation of inner strength over time, we can stay calmer during uncertainty and be available to others.
• There is no wrong way to do it. New patterns take time. Allow yourself to take your own imperfect path to

Once we care for ourselves, we can offer our time to others. Some ideas to consider to improve quality connections:

• Offer your full-attention. Put away the electronic devices and turn your full attention to your child. If you need to, put on a timer so you don’t have to worry about transitioning to another activity.

• Put it in your schedule. If you are not free when your child needs you, indicate you will connect later. You can connect during an activity: bed time, preparing a meal, raking leaves, going for a walking break between classes.
• Stop and acknowledge your child’s positive effort, thought process and creative ideas.
• Quality time is cumulative. There will be days we don’t connect with our child as well as we might like . There might be days where we don’t really connect at all. Take a minute or five. Hold your child’s hand, make eye contact and connect. Over time, these connections make a difference.

• Offer yourself self-compassion and grace. Yes, this is on the list twice. Covid is hard. Online schooling and work is hard. These are moments of real suffering. Soothing yourself enables you to soothe your child. Remember every moment is a clean slat e and an opportunity to choose different.

If you or your child is struggling during these times Crossroads Family Counseling specializes in working with children, adolescents and families.  You can contact 703-380-9045 or info@crossroadsfamilycc.com.

Written by: Carolyn Bell, MBA, who is obtaining her Masters in Counseling through Wake Forest University. She works with individual children, teens and adults; couples and families at points of transition to resolve trauma, grow careers, enhance relationships, and accept and adjust to life-changing events such as chronic health diagnoses, adoption, empty nesting, divorce, and loss of a loved one.

When the alarm goes off on the first day of school, there won’t be the usual dash out the door. Instead, families will be figuring out plans so that children can tune into classrooms online. For many, this may bring up feelings of fear and dread.

It makes sense. Instead of being in a place outside the home where kids can focus on school, talk and play with their friends, enjoy after-school activities, and learn, home becomes the center. Families may wonder, “What if they get behind?” or “What if they’re missing critical material?”

Encourage holistic development

Emotional and physical safety are important to help children to thrive. Physical safety means that kids’ basic needs are met, including food, water, and shelter. Aside from these basic needs, part of holistic development requires emotional safety. Emotional safety means responding to kids’ feelings without judgement, and helping them to tolerate and calm themselves when big feelings come up. When they make mistakes, meet them with forgiveness. When abrupt and unpredictable changes occur, as has happened over the past year, we switch from learning mode to surviving mode. When they feel sad, frustrated, or angry, tell them that their feelings are important and are valid. Take a deep breath, a break, or a walk together. Provide them with the reassurance and safety they are seeking.

Collaborate with Others

Within the virtual learning environment, kids interact differently. It is important for kids to engage with each other so that they can foster their social development. What do they learn when they play and work together?

• How to share and cooperate with others
• Perspective-taking
• Making friends and handling conflicts
• Managing emotions and regulating themselves
• Problem-solving skills
• Reciprocity in relationships

These social skills are valuable. So what can you do to both encourage learning these skills and be mindful of your family’s health and safety?

Organize a virtual get-together:

If you choose to organize a virtual get-together among your child’s friends, make the activity specific and time-limited. Get a small group of kids together for a game. Games like charades can be fun for kids to play with each other online and require skills like turn-taking, reciprocity, and listening.

If organizing an activity in person:

Follow the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s guidelines to wash your hands regularly and wear a face mask/covering (https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/your-health/index.html). If you choose to organize activities outdoors, games like Red Light, Yellow Light, Green Light and Simon Says can be great for engaging kids’ developing social skills while also remaining socially distanced. These are games that the family can even play together!

Don’t put too much pressure on kids right now

Their worlds have been turned upside down too. Expecting kids to achieve something outside of their capabilities could impact their sense of self-worth. Meet them where they are, reassure them that they are safe, and help them to feel calm in those hard moments and tolerate the unknowable ahead.

If you have a child (ages 7-9) who you feel is struggling with social skills such as sharing, expressing feelings, understanding others’ feelings, and listening, you may consider Crossroads’ Virtual Social Skills Group, which will begin on September 14th. Please see more information below.

https://crossroadsfamilycounselingcenter.com/our-groups/social-skill-group-children/

Written By:  Alice Zic, MPH, MSW, a Supervisee in Social Work, specializes in supporting individuals and families in healing from trauma, ADHD, emotion regulation, depression, anxiety, grief and loss, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and kinship family dynamics. Additionally, Alice enjoys working with and has a special interest in family gap conflict, issues of acculturation, and navigating multicultural identity. She is bilingual in Bosnian/Croatian/Serbian and is conversational in Mandarin Chinese.

As schools are moving to virtual learning this Fall, many parents are feeling overwhelmed with how to best help their children learn. Since most parents out there are not trained to be teachers, and many have full time jobs and other kids at home, remote learning may seem like a daunting task. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you can do it! There are many creative,  alternatives to help  your children with remote learning during this pandemic.

One concept is based on “micro-schools.” Micro-schools  is a broad term used to describe small neighborhood schools that usually enroll fewer than 10 children. In the age of COVID-19, many parents are taking the micro–school approach into their own hands and creating “pandemic pods.”

Pandemic Pods are a great way to create an environment for your children to learn as well as socialize with their peers.

One way to use these pods is to rotate houses with a few other families. Each parent could  take a day to teach the subject that they know the best such as Math, Science, History or English/ Writing.

Another way to use these pods is that each parent could teach the kids about their profession or hobbies, or about anything they know and care about.  If you have school-aged children, these pods ideally would supplement, not replace the virtual learning that is happening with the school.  However, you use them, the “Pandemic Pod” idea can expose kids to many different subjects and ideas.

Keep in mind, even though you may be  working full time, you can be creative and hold “school hours’ at untraditional times such as in the evening  from 5-7 while the kids can eat pizza while learning.

Here are three things you can do to make learning more fun:

1. Cooking/Baking: Children love to help bake and cook.  Cooking works on reading, math skills as well as problem-solving, and creativity. It  allows children the opportunity to use the knowledge they have and apply it by counting, measuring, following a sequence, following directions, and cause and effect. It also helps them use their senses of  touch, smell, visual, taste  and sometimes even sound.  It’s a fun project that they can do independently or cooperatively with a family member.  Baking or cooking can build confidence and self-esteem in your child when the entire family enjoys the baked or cooked goodies.

2. Drawing/ Coloring- According to Beaumont.org., Coloringhas the ability to relax the fear center of your brain, the amygdala. It induces the same state as meditating by reducing the thoughts of a restless mind. This generates mindfulness and quietness, which allows your mind to get some rest.Create an Art class for your child which will help improve fine motor skills,   visual analysis  and it helps develop concentration, eye hand coordination and teaches creative problem solving.  Young children do not yet understand some concepts such as distance, size comparison, and textural differences.  You can have your child go outside and find a variety of objects to create an art project.  Crayola also  has free coloring pages https://www.crayola.com/featured/free-coloring-pages/  Or give your child an art prompt such as draw your favorite vacation, or your favorite animal and where they would live.  Find a place in your house and hang your children’s art work up.  Kids love seeing their masterpieces displayed which gives a sense of pride and accomplishment.

3. Physical Activity- Find a way to create your own PE class at home.  Physical activity creates physically healthier children. … it also contributes to cognitive and social/emotional development, improves sensory skills, Increases attention span and releases positive endorphins in the brain which makes you feel better and happier.  Physical activity also helps increase your immune system which is what we want for our children especially now as we are in the middle of a Pandemic. You can create obstacle courses outside or in the home for your children such as stations with hopping, push-ups, climbing over things, jumping jacks, a crab crawl.  Or draw a course with chalk  outside that they have to ride their bike through or run, or walk.  Time them for each way they do it and have them work on increasing their time.  Kids love doing this against siblings or a parent.

The most important thing during this time is finding alternatives to help your child learn that is fun, engaging and gets them moving especially as kids will be sitting more than ever with virtual school.

Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S  who is the owner and  Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has over 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy.  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

School is out and the distance learning is behind us…for now. Summer usually brings respite to reconnect and enjoy recreational activities, adventure, or even a vacation. This summer looks vastly different amidst COVID-19. As the schedules fluctuate, it is important to find time to get together as a family. Even if the usual summer entertainment cannot happen over these next couple of months, there are ways to create meaningful, fun moments together as a family.

Explore museums all over the world…from your living room: Venturing to learn about art, history, and culture may not be possible, but you can still enjoy virtual tours of exhibits at famous museums. Bask in the glow of your living room as you maneuver through Louvre Museum in Paris, the museums of the Smithsonian Institution in DC, the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, just to name a few. Museums all over the world are offering virtual exhibits and tours, allowing you to explore like never before.

Combine science and art into a fun activity: Slime or PlayDoh can often be made with items around the house. Get the whole family together for this messy and scientific fun and, once it’s made, get creative! Do you want to make shapes? Make faces out of PlayDoh? The possibilities are endless. Making something together not only instills team-building for the family, but allowing a mess every now and then lets everyone know that it’s okay to have fun. Plus, working with our hands gets us out of our heads and connected to the present moment, making the time spent together even more meaningful.

Go on an outdoor adventure: Going for walks or hikes brings mindfulness and physical activity into your routine, and physical and mental wellness are interconnected and important. Incorporating games like “I Spy” or “Bingo” can engage your five senses and add a little fun! Download these Nature Bingo boards from the Fairfax County Park Authority and see who spots enough items to win! Check out Fairfax County Park Authority’s Virtual Exploration Center for more adventures, like “Homemade Paper,” “Parts of a Flower,” and “Create Your Own Field Guide to a Local Animal.”

Make the kitchen your travel destination: Cooking and baking can serve as a wonderful way for the family to connect. Assign everyone a task in the kitchen and work together, step-by-step. Giving kids a specific task in this process allows them to learn that they have value in the process and builds a sense of competency. Culture, history, and food are often intertwined. Look up a favorite recipe from your ideal travel destination, or a favorite recipe from another part of the world. Together, you can purchase the ingredients, cook, and research the history and culture of this dish and the nation that it came from. This can become a wonderful way to connect as a family and to learn and appreciate something new together.

Have a music and dance party night: Maybe you have a regularly scheduled workout during the day, but what’s more fun than getting out those dance moves together? Music is a wonderful way to engage everyone and regulate the body (and those energy levels). Each member of the family can choose a different song, alternating the pace between fast and slow songs. You can even add in various games, such as freeze dance, musical chairs, or hot potato! Everyone can take a turn pausing the music and/or removing a chair to add to the suspense of the games!

Though the current summer may involve more time at home, there are ways to incorporate the joys of recreation and travel into your summer and your routine. Connecting as a family during this time will not only strengthen your bonds, but will also help to reduce stress.

Written By:  Alice Zic, MPH, MSW, a Supervisee in Social Work, specializes in supporting individuals and families in healing from trauma, ADHD, emotion regulation, depression, anxiety, grief and loss, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and kinship family dynamics. Additionally, Alice enjoys working with and has a special interest in family gap conflict, issues of acculturation, and navigating multicultural identity. She is bilingual in Bosnian/Croatian/Serbian and is conversational in Mandarin Chinese.

May is Maternal, Mental Health Month. It is a month to celebrate all the hard work that mothers do. No matter what kind of mom you are…a pregnant mom, a new mom, a stay at home mom or a working mom, being a mom is difficult,  and during the CoVID-19 Pandemic, even more so than usual.  Motherhood is a tough job that sadly doesn’t come with an instruction manual.  Being a mom means that you are “on” 24/7 and you don’t get a break or a vacation.  It’s hard. We all love our children but we must remember that we also need to take care of ourselves.  You know how they say on an airplane that if oxygen is needed you should  put your mask on first so you can take care of others around you? That’s true…. moms need to take care of themselves so that they can better care for their children.

According to the Blue Dot Project, a project that raises awareness of maternal mental health disorders:

• 1 in 5 women suffer from Mental Health issues
• Traumatic Child Birth affects up to 34% of women
• Less than 15% of Women receive Mental Health Treatment

Maternal Mental Health disorders include a range of conditions including depression, anxiety, and psychosis and can occur within pregnancy or following the birth of a child.  When left untreated, these disorders can cause devastating consequences for the mother, her baby, her family and society.  These issues can persist and get worse over time.  If you’re not sure if you have any of these diagnosis or  symptoms click here to check:

https://www.thebluedotproject.org/whataremmhdisorders. 

Regardless of whether you have a formal diagnosis or not,  being a mom is hard work.

Five things you can do to take care of yourself: 

1. Get support–  Join an online group while staying at home. There is nothing better than talking to other moms who are at the same stage of parenting as you. This can become a safe place to ask questions that are on your mind.  You may think your questions are silly or irrelevant, but chances are, they are probably on the minds of other moms out there. Here is a list of 10 different Mom’s groups that may meet  your needs. https://www.mother.ly/work/find-your-group-10-mom-groups-that-are-totally-amazing.

 2.  Write in a Gratitude Journal— Sometimes it’s hard to find the good things in our lives.  Research has       shown that when we write down things we are grateful for it is a reminder that even though things might not seem great, there are always some good things in our life.  Try to write down two things every day. Even if it’s something simple like, “My child smiled at me” or I took a shower today.  It’s helpful to go back in your journal and read the things  that went well or that were good when you are feeling down. This Gratitude Journal is from the https://www.theshopforward.com/collections/espwa  which all proceeds go towards supporting Mother’s programs in Haiti.

3. Get outside and take a walk– Even though you may not feel like leaving your house right now, physical activity and a change of scenery is good food for your soul. Research shows that getting physical exercise releases endorphins in your body that make you feel better.  Take your child or children for a walk, or if you need some time for yourself, use this time as “Me” time and take a 15-30 min walk all by yourself.

4. Listen to a podcast- – Listen to something that is positive or helps you learn something new. Learn about what other mothers are doing to cope with babies, preschoolers or teens. Sometimes hearing experiences from other mothers can help you not feel so alone.  Not only can connecting to others and learning from them make you feel better, but it is always helpful to learn a few tips on how to cope during this difficult time.  Here are the Top 10 Podcasts for moms. https://podcastreview.org/list/best-podcasts-for-moms/

5. Get Professional Support–Often as mothers we feel like we should be able to handle all our problems, take care of our children, our partner and take care of ourselves.  Getting professional help does not mean you are a failure.  Professional help can be the first step you take in not only helping and taking care of yourself but also taking care of your child or children.  Professional help with an objective person who can give you nonjudgmental support and guidance will  help you navigate the struggles of motherhood.  We provide counseling for mother’s at Crossroads and you can contact us at info@crossroadsfamilycc.com or here is a site you can check out resources in your area;https; https://www.consumersadvocate.org/online-therapy 

We believe at Crossroads Family Counseling in helping the entire family and supporting all family members.  This month we are focusing on supporting mothers and helping strengthen them emotionally, physically and socially which in turn supports strengthening children emotionally, physically and socially.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S  who is the owner and  Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, in Fairfax, Va. She has over 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy.  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

Spring is a time full of many activities….sports, music concerts, end of the year festivities and outdoor events. However, during this Coronavirus pandemic, none of these are happening.  We are quarantined at home and have lots of down time. This “new normal” is not easy for parents or children.

One way to help combat this stress is to create a different sort of structure at home. Creating structure in our daily routine is good for everyone, especially children.  Structure can be a fun way to allow kids to feel more in control of what’s happening and have a familiar, predictable routine.

Here are 5 “Fun Family Night” suggestions for ways that you can bring routine and order and help your kids look forward to the things they enjoy.

1. Monday Movie Night—Each week a different family member gets to choose the movie that he/she thinks everyone would enjoy watching.  It can be an old favorite or something that would not normally be picked.  After watching the movie, you can talk about what you liked, what you didn’t like, the message of the movie or theme.   This creates cooperation, flexibility, communication skills and helps develop critical thinking skills.

2.Tuesday Take Out—This is a great way to take the night off from cooking while supporting your local restaurants. Each Tuesday let someone choose the restaurant to order from.  You can come up with a list of choices to make it easier for your kids.  Many restaurants will deliver for free or provide curbside delivery and bring the food right to your car. You could make this dinner special by dressing up, getting your good dishes out or sitting in your Dining Room and lighting candles.  You can google Uber Eats and get free promo codes for delivery.  This night promotes social skills, builds connection and communication skills and flexibility in trying new foods.

3. Wacky Wednesday  Night—Make it a book night!  Family members can read one of their favorite  children’s books . Everyone can dress  up like a character in the book or just wear a wacky hat or outfit  or use different accents or voices as they read. Or you can listen to an online book  by Dr. Seuss https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b653k3-_wIM  read by Ms. Sophie’s Story time.  This promotes listening skills, reading skills, cooperation, creativity and silliness.

4.Thursday Trivia Night – This can be a fun night of having your family gather, create and try to answer trivia questions.  Each person or family team, must come up with 10 trivia questions to ask  the others.  There are many trivia questions for kids on line so if you’d rather, you can just read these.  https://parade.com/944584/parade/trivia-questions-for-kids/.  This promotes listening skills, learning, reading, cooperation and social skills

5. Friday Family Fun Night- This could be a night where each week a different family member decides on the family activity.  It could be playing a game, doing a craft, a science experiment or baking….the sky’s the limit! The only requirement is that everyone needs to  commit to doing the activity for 45 minutes.  (You can always spend more time if everyone is having fun!)  Here is a fun activity of making Elephant Toothpaste to get you started:  https://www.pinterest.com/pin/63191201008351422/.  This promotes cooperation, flexibility, creativity , social skills, family bonding and lots of fun!

During this Pandemic it’s important to find ways to have fun and spend quality time together.

For more ideas: Check out the Crossroads Family Counseling Center Pinterest page.

https://www.pinterest.com/crossroadsfamilycounseling/

Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S  who is the owner and  Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has over 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy.  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

Easter is a time of bringing  friend and family  together.  Since this is a time when we are socially distancing here are some ideas of things you can do with your children that are simple and don’t require a lot of supplies.

1. Painting with Easter Eggs- This is a great activity to do with the plastic Easter eggs you can buy at any store during this season.  This idea comes from  myboredtoddler.co

Take the plastic eggs apart  and have your child dip the edge of the egg into paint. You can set up different colors of paint. Your child can then create lots of different colored circles.  Afterwards ,you can have your child color in the circles or make them into animals  such as a bunny, dog or cat or whatever their imagination desires.  This promotes creativity, concentration,  fine motor skills and a sense of accomplishment.

2. Shaving cream Eggs- This is a fun idea from Crafty Morning site using shaving cream and food coloring to decorate Easter eggs. Here is a video on how to actually do it. It’s super easy.  https://www.pinterest.com/pin/7388786877661472/

After you decorate the eggs your children can then play with the shaving cream.  Using shaving cream can help work on small motor skills such as drawing letters or making shapes.  Plus, it’s just a lot of fun!

Another version is getting a  muffin pan and put the shaving cream in  muffin circle, put some food coloring drops on top of the shaving cream. You then sit the egg in the circle and swirl it around.  It’s not quite as messy as the first idea but it’s not as  much fun to play with either.

3. Easter Egg Hunt– Instead of putting Candy in your plastic eggs to hide you can put messages inside the egg. Here are some great ideas from Alice and Lois.com. They have messages such as do a cartwheel, hop like a bunny,  tell your favorite joke and give your mama a hug. https://www.aliceandlois.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/easter-egg-fun-pf

Or  you can mix it up and put  questions inside the Eggs or coupons for a movie night of their choice, a pass to get out of doing a chore or an extra treat one night.  Finding the eggs is not only fun but it  helps with building skills such as determination, self-control, creativity and working on reading skills.

4. Easter Scavenger Hunt-  This is a great activity for older kids.  .  You can create a scavenger hunt with clues on where to find  hidden eggs.  Here is free downloadable clue card from  Darling doodle Designs.

https://www.darlingdoodlesdesign.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Easter-Basket-Hunt.pdf

Or you can create a scavenger hunt card  stating what type of eggs your child/Children need to find . You can also take a Sharpie and put dots on an egg or stripes and include these types of eggs in the search.  Suggestions are Find: 1 yellow egg, 3 green eggs, a striped egg,  four purple eggs a polka dot egg.   IF you have more than one child you can make a different scavenger hunt for each child.  This makes the hunt a little more challenging which helps them work on counting skills, reading, self-control and focus and the thrill of searching for what they need to accomplish a goal.

5. Alternative Easter Egg Hunt- if your neighborhood typically does an Easter egg hunt this year an alternative Easter Egg hunt is to do a  virtual Easter egg hunt. Due to the need for social distancing  this is a great way to still interact with your neighbors from a safe distance. Have neighbors  cut out a big Easter Egg out of construction paper and decorate it.   Have them then tape the Easter egg to a window  on display for the neighborhood.  Parent and Children  can walk around  the neighborhood looking for an Easter Eggs posted on neighbor’s windows.  Here’s an idea of a Mosaic Easter Egg from  www.thepinterestedparent.com

We hope you enjoy these Easter based activities but they are ones you can do at any time to promote getting outside and having fun with your children.

Happy Passover and Happy Easter from Crossroads Family Counseling Center.

Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S  who is the owner and  Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has over 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy.  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

Playing games with the family can be a lot of fun it’s my favorite thing to do with my family.  Especially when they’re  cooperative games where there is no winner or loser.   While you’re home during this Pandemic pick a night each week to make it a game night and rotate each who gets to choose the game.  Kids love playing games with their parents and often learn a lot of skills at the same time!

Here are five of my favorite Cooperative Board Games:

Feed The Woozle 

Each player gets  snacks to fed the Woozle who loves to eat hairy pickles and fuzzy donuts. You spin a spinner which tells you how many snacks you need to carry on a spoon to put in the Woozle’s mouth.  There are different challenges to the game such as walking fast or slow or blind folded.  Kids learn dexterity, fine motor skills, self-control and creative problem solving. It can be quite funny to watch as well.

Who can play: 2-5 kids ages 3 and older.  Mostly for Preschool kids

The Sleeping Grump

Remember the story of Jack and the Beanstalk?  This game is similar in that you have to go up the Beanstalk to collect items and get back to your house before the Grump wakes up.  The twist is that all members need to get up and back before the Grump wakes up to win. If only one or two people get back before he wakes and the others don’t you all lose.  Family members can help each other and strategize together on how best to beat the Grump.  This game teaches kids cooperation skills, problem solving-skills, sharing and communication skills.  No reading required.

Who can play: 2-4 players ages 5-10 years old.

Hoot Owl Hoot

In this color-coordinated matching game, players cooperate to help the owls fly back to their nest before the sun comes up. If all the owls get back to their nest everyone wins.  If they don’t everyone loses.  There are different ways you can play this game to make it more challenging.  Kids learn  planning ahead, simple strategy skills, turn taking and following directions. No reading required.

Who can play: 2-4 Players. Recommended for Ages 4-10.

Mermaid Island

This is a fun game for Mermaid lovers! In this game, players work together to help mermaids swim to Mermaid Island before the witch gets there.  You spin, move, and pick up a wand to defeat the Sea Witch.  Kids learn turn taking, following directions and social development.  No reading required.

Who can play: 2 to 6 players ages 5 years old and older. However, I think kids as young as 3 or 4 years old can play this game.

Forbidden Island 

This is a great game for tweens/teens to play where you have to capture 4 Treasures as a group and then get rescued off the island before the island sinks.  Every player has special powers that help the group play the game. It promotes Strategic thinking, problem solving and cooperation.

Who can play:  2 to 4 players Ages 10 and up.

I hope you find time during this Cornavirus Pandemic to play some games with your family. If you don’t have these games you can get them for reasonable prices on Amazon or https://www.mindware.orientaltrading.com.

Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S  who is the owner and  Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has over 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy.  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

Get out the Sidewalk Chalk!  Coloring with chalk is a great way to get outside, have fun and it’s good for your brain.  Coloring reduces stress and anxiety  and has the ability to relax the fear center of your brain, the amygdala. Coloring is also helpful to work on hand strength and fine motor skills.  Coloring can encourage creativity and self-expression and it  takes a lot of focusing skills to complete a coloring task. So, even though it looks like kids are having fun and just coloring they’re also working on a lot of skills!

Squiggle Line– This is where you draw a line and each person takes a turn adding something to the drawing. This encourages skills such as working together, cooperation, taking turns and creativity.  It’s fun to see what the shape turns out to be.  Children love doing things with parents which promotes a fun, feel good moment to create something together.

Chalk Art Mosaic– For this you will need painters’ tape or masking tape and chalk. You can do it on your driveway or on your garage door. (Don’t worry the rain will wash it away).  Find a design or a word and then begin taping it up in different shapes and designs.  It’s time then for your kids to start coloring the shapes in.  Once done take off the tape and you have a beautiful mosaic picture.

Dyan and Jackson Ambrose Courtesy of Nicole Ambrose

Dots and Lines Game– Remember the dots and lines game we used to play as a kid? You create a bunch of dots in a square grid.  Then each person takes a turn connecting two dots with a line.  Once you have created a square with your lines you get to put your initial in the box.  Once there are no more dots to connect the person with the most boxes with their initial in it wins.  This game takes planning, focus and concentration, strategy and a healthy competition.

Active things to do with Chalk:

 Bike or Scooter Maze-  Draw a maze on your driveway or street creating a path with different stops or places to go.  You can work on regulation and self-control skills by timing them as they ride through the maze and if they go out of the maze they have to start over.  This helps kids slow down, focus and concentrate to make sure they are completing the maze correctly.

Long Jump– Get some measuring tape and measure up to 12 feet and mark it with the chalk. (For younger children you can start with a smaller distance and increase).  Children love having competitions against others and themselves.  This creates a sense of mastery and self-confidence.  Have your child work on it each day and see how they improve.  You can chart it and see their improvements over time.  This encourages mastery, planning and  self-control.

For more outside activities and fun things you can do with sidewalk chalk check out our Pinterest page at: https://www.pinterest.com/crossroadsfamilycounseling/boards/.

Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S  who is the owner and  Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has over 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy.  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

We know COVID-19, the Coronavirus, is impacting families and children in many ways.  The lack of structure from school and activities may make it difficult in the coming weeks.  We recommend creating your own structure.  Routines help children and can lessen anxiety.  Set up a schedule for the day on a white board or hang a piece of paper on your refrigerator with the schedule for the day. It’s going to take some creativity to get through this difficult time.

While everyone is at home, it’s a great way to take advantage of doing things with your children and family that you wouldn’t normally get to do.

Here are Five Fun, Easy Things you can do with your Family:

1. Go on a Nature Walk. 

Make it more interesting by making it a  Nature Scavenger Hunt.  Use a checklist of things to look for when on the walk.

Other ideas are to pretend you’re walking on ice, or in mud, or on slippery rocks. How would you walk differently, or what would it look like?  Kids love it when parents exaggerate things and make them silly looking.

One of my favorite things I liked to do when I was younger when outside was to look for unique looking rocks.  Take them home and paint a picture on them with paints or markers.

2.  Create a Tape Maze

Use colored tape, masking tape or duct tape and create a maze that your children can walk through. Make it more challenging each time by adding different elements.  Doing a crab walk, a snake, a bear crawl or they have to hop on one foot or skip.  You could also time them going through the maze doing the different elements and have a competition between siblings.  The goal is to make it fun and to burn off some energy!

Another thing you can do with tape is make lines in patterns on the floor and they have to line up their cars, or blocks or

whatever toy item you want to use.   This not only takes time but builds mastery, it takes planning, coordination and it works on fine motor skills.   

3. Bubble Breathing

 Everyone loves bubbles no matter what age you are.  Some fun things to do with bubbles are to see who can blow the biggest bubble.  This works on breathing and regulation because you have to take a really deep breath and blow really slowly to blow a big bubble. When you blow fast it usually produces lots of little bubbles.  You can also blow bubbles and have your kids pop them with just their pinky, or with their head or foot.  You can have everyone take turns blowing the bubbles stating how the bubbles can be popped This creates challenges and makes it more fun.

4. Tell a Story

Kids normally have lots of books that they have read over and over again and often have them memorized.  Try taking a book with lots of pictures and instead of reading the words take turns telling a story from what you see on the page.  Have the story build and make your own story.  It’s even more fun if you use different voices or an accent for different characters or animals in the book.

5. Balloon Challenges

Take a blanket with everyone holding a corner and put the balloon on the blanket.   Everyone needs to work together to keep the balloon on the blanket.

You can also take the balloon and bat it in the air with everyone taking turns to try and keep it in the air.  Make it a challenge by taking turns hitting it and count how many hits you do to keep the balloon in the air.  Every day you can try to make it a higher number.

Crossroads Family Counseling Center is a therapy center focused on play therapy and helping families and children strengthen their relationship through play.

Check out the Crossroads Family Counseling Center Facebook page, Instagram and Pinterest page for more tips and activities to do during this time.

Written by: Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S  who is the owner and  Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, in Fairfax, Va. She has over 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy.  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

Between the time I am writing this (early March) and you are reading it there will have been countless scary headlines about the coronavirus, and some new useful facts, discoveries, and policies, too. It feels like a crazy time and adults and children alike are anxious, confused, and unsure what to do or to believe. So how do we parent our children through all this? It turns out that familiar common-sense parenting guidelines still apply, just as basic hand washing hygiene rules are still our best strategy. Here are some of my thoughts.

CHILDREN

Children typically find it even harder than adults to sort through the barrage of information and messages they are receiving. Their brains are less mature and they have less knowledge and experience to provide context. Engage your kids in age appropriate discussions about COVID-19, viruses, quarantines, vaccines, public health, and so on, relying on credible, responsible, informed sources, rather than the flood of alarmist or denialist media out there. Let their interest and maturity be your guide. You could even use this as an opportunity to help your children learn to be thoughtful consumers of news.

The uncertainty of what will happen, the onslaught of news, people behaving in strange ways (like frantically searching for hand sanitizer) – all these and more can contribute to fears and anxieties in our children. Provide a place where they can feel comfortable talking about their scary thoughts and fears. Be curious about what’s going on in their heads, what they have heard, and what their feelings are. Listen and don’t assume they feel as you do. Don’t belittle them or their feelings. Provide understanding and empathy, without over dramatization. Provide comfort for their emotions and clarity for their anxious thoughts. Be on the lookout for changes in behaviors that may reflect deeper concerns. Provide help and support as you would at any time.

A middle school teacher told me, “Bullying in school has skyrocketed. Any sneeze or cough they hear, students now yell out ‘coronavirus’ and tell them they need to be quarantined. One student left a classroom crying because the teasing was so bad.” Kids may bully when they feel scared or powerless. Teasing happens when we are not thinking about what it feels like for the person on the other end. In these situations, adults need to set limits on unacceptable behaviors and respectfully help kids uphold those limits. In addition to limits, it is important to help kids find more appropriate ways to behave, beyond teasing others or driving you nuts.

It is possible that schools may close or modify their schedules. Outside activities may be suspended. You may be struggling to find childcare or trying to work from home with a house full of antsy kids. Like snow days, all this can throw a wrench into family functioning, especially as we don’t know how long it will go on. As much as you can, stick to regular routines, including bedtimes, meals, chores, and homework. Make sure you allow for physical activity and some commotion – they are kids after all. Prioritize healthy eating, plenty of rest, hydration, exercise, and other basic selfcare measures. At the same time, practice flexibility and adaptability as needed. The structure helps kids get through the unusual challenges of this time, reminding them that most things have not changed, and your flexibility models an essential coping tool.

A teenager told me last week that it seemed ridiculous that they were considering closing schools. “We’ll all just hang out together at the mall,” the teen said. If schools and public places are off limits, your children may chafe at the restrictions or complain of boredom. An important conversation for the whole family is about how you would like to use any unexpected time together in ways both enjoyable and productive. Once parents have set the general parameters, kids should get plenty of say on how they occupy themselves. Dig out the family games and puzzles, create some new ones. Read aloud to each other. Tell stories. Research what families do in other cultures or did together in olden times. Be mindful that the right mix of time alone and time with others will vary among family members.

Screen use limits may be more challenging during “corona/snow” days. What would be reasonable limits for your family members, especially if folks are home all day, every day, for a week or more? Limits should address both screen time and screen content. Depending on the age of the child, scary news stories, movies, or social media feeds should be prohibited or monitored and discussed. A daily check-in about what kids heard or saw could lead to useful family discussions and provide a chance to keep an eye on how your kids are doing.

ANXIETY

Our brains are hardwired to scan the horizon for danger and to alert us so we can protect ourselves. Anxiety happens when that process runs amok and interferes in our functioning rather than helping us respond to challenges. Anxiety looks for worst-case scenarios, hones in on them, and tells us that the worst is definitely going to happen. Anxiety is about how things are going to go badly, not about what is actually happening. It looks for confirmations of our fears and ignores or discounts everything that contradicts them. And this month all the ingredients for feeding anxiety are only a screen click away.

The first step in managing anxiety is to pause, take a moment, and breathe. Help your body to calm down. Relax places that are carrying tension (for me it is my shoulders and my gut). Tune into the present around you rather than focusing on the anxious thoughts spiraling through your head. There are wonderful meditation and mindfulness options out there for yourself and to do with your children including books, apps, YouTube videos, blogs, etc. Try out a variety to see which you prefer.

Once you’re in a calmer place you can start challenging your anxious thoughts. What am I thinking is going to happen? Where did I get that idea? How likely is it that the things I fear will actually happen? And if it should come to pass, what can I do about it? What resources do I have or can I acquire to deal with it? Here is where information from reliable, knowledgeable sources is so important. And where all the compelling, fear mongering sources can only make anxiety worse.

Once you have challenged your own anxious thinking, talk to your kids. Children worry most about what will happen to them. Will I be able to see my friends? Will we be able to go on our vacation? Will I have to repeat this grade if school closes? Will you lose your job? Will we run out of money? If you die, what will happen to me? Will I die? It is important to reassure them that someone will be there to take care of them no matter what happens. And then to address their specific concerns in a matter of fact way, with optimism that your family will handle whatever comes up. How much factual information you share, how nuanced your discussion, depends on the age and maturity of your child. It is also helpful to remind children of challenges that they or the whole family dealt with in the past, and got through to the other side. Children will take their cues from you, your nonverbal behaviors as much as from the words you say.

Mr. Rogers once said, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things on the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” And there are so many people in the news and behind the scenes working hard to help us through this pandemic. Maybe you know a doctor or someone in science or public health that you can talk about together – how this person is helping all of us. Maybe there is a teacher or friend who has been reassuring to the child individually. And maybe together you can figure out ways to be helpers, too. Maybe one child can be responsible for figuring out some meals using the food stocks in the house. Maybe another can come up with some family activities that can be done at home. Perhaps a grandparent or elderly neighbor might need some errands run or other extra help. When we help others, we also are helping ourselves.

RESILIENCE

Resilience is about bouncing back when things have gone badly. It is also about continuing to function while things are going badly. Continuing to function doesn’t mean pretending that nothing is happening, sticking your head in the sand. It means doing what is necessary to keep on going. For many of us, this will include washing our hands, staying home when sick, or limiting our news consumption to sources that are helpful. Some families will experience more serious difficulties. These could include economic hardship, illness, or family members away from home due to a quarantine or unusual demands of work. If your family is going through this, seek out resources that can help you. If you are more fortunate, consider ways that you can extend help to others.

Bouncing back refers to recovery once the challenge has passed. There will be a return to some things as they were. There will also be some new normals, both personal and communal. Just as, following exposure to a virus, we develop antibodies that protect us in the future (a fact that is talked about a lot these days), so too will we develop strengths and resilience from this period that will serve us well in the days and years ahead. May this experience be an opportunity for your family to grow closer and stronger.

-Posted by Annie Scheiner, LCMFT at Jonah Green Associates in Maryland

According to sleep science experts, women need more sleep than men — by as much as 20 minutes more. This is because women are prolific multitaskers who tend to use up more brainpower during the day, leading to the need for more recovery time — essentially, sleep.

Unfortunately, this need for more sleep doesn’t automatically mean that women are getting more sleep. On the contrary, women have been known to suffer from a good number of sleep problems, such as insomnia, sleep-disordered breathing, narcolepsy, to name only a few. More often than not, these are caused by hormone fluctuations, especially in younger women, as well as the stress that comes from wearing many hats (as women are wont to do) and even mental problems such as depression and anxiety.

Indeed, there’s no question that women need to cultivate solid sleep habits in order to get the requisite amount of rest that they require to maintain a healthy body and a sound mind. Best of all, this can be done without making a huge dent on your wallet.

Optimize Your Sleep Environment

Better sleep relies heavily on your sleep environment, which is why it’s highly recommended to see your bedroom in a different light and think of the many ways that you can improve it. Essentially, this means focusing on using the bedroom for sleep, rather than as a space for various other activities, such as browsing the internet, watching TV, and more. In fact, the blue light emitted by gadgets is one of the most prevalent causes of sleep deprivation, which is why putting down your electronics hours before bedtime is often recommended.

Sound is also another factor that impacts your sleep cycle. In fact, exposure to nighttime environmental noise is found to have adverse effects on health as an outcome of sleep disturbance. White noise, on the other hand, does the opposite.

With all these factors in mind, it’s a good idea to invest in white noise machines, as well as other sleeping aids like non-blue light-emitting lamps, weighted blankets, comfortable pillows and linens, and more. A trusted retailer like Kohl’s is a great resource as they not only have everything you need but also regularly offer promotions so you can get them at a discount. Rakuten offers some Kohl’s saving tips, including signing up for text-message notifications on promotions, earning Yes2You rewards, and taking advantage of double cash back specials.

Engage in Relaxation Techniques

Now, most women can probably relate to being sleep deprived because of a restless mind that didn’t get the bedtime memo. A great way to circumvent this is by making use of relaxation techniques that still the mind and calm the senses, which, in turn, lead to a restful sleep. As a bonus, such techniques are also known to do wonders for stress relief, which will doubtless contribute to your mental well-being. Relaxation techniques run the gamut from deep-breathing exercises to guided meditation. Getting into the habit can be a challenge, though, which is why it’s prudent to make use of tools to get you started. Today, there are countless meditation and breathing apps that can be downloaded at little to no cost, so take advantage of these budget-friendly and foolproof tools to show you the way.

Make Use of Natural Remedies

These days, essential oils are all the rage, and for very good reasons. Indeed, among the many benefits of aromatherapy, its wonderful effects on sleep disorders like insomnia are most recognized, making it more than wise to add sleep-improving essential oils to your bedtime arsenal. Best of all, you don’t need to use more than a few drops at a time, so this investment goes a very long way. Furthermore, while a humidifier is great to have, there are actually other ways to use your oils without it, such as adding a few drops to a warm bath before bedtime or to a small spray bottle filled with water to mist your pillowcase and sheets.

Indeed, few things are as pleasurable as good, old-fashioned, restful sleep. So, make use of these cost-effective and healthy sleep habits to shake off your sleep challenges for good and, in turn, enjoy a more productive and mentally rewarding life.

Play therapy heals children by helping them work through and solve their own problems, in the way that they know how. Children often times learn how to engage with others, adapt personality traits and behaviors, problem-solve, and create new ideas, all through play.  Children can create a whole world for themselves through play, where they feel safe to explore themselves and their surroundings. Similar to talk therapy, children have the ability to come into the play (therapy) room and express themselves in whatever way they feel comfortable.

The Association for Play Therapy defines play therapy as “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development” (“Why Play Therapy”, n.d.). Play therapists use similar techniques as other therapists, while utilizing the language of play with their clients. Play therapy is often used with children, but can be adapted to be used with all age groups

Play therapy is unique in that it is used to help children process tough emotions and behaviors, and it allows the therapist to really meet the child where they are, no matter what their age is. Play therapy can really be used for any age group of children, and it can be modified to match the child’s developmental level. As previously stated, play is often times used with children, but it can also be used with older adolescents and adults to tap into parts of the brain that day to day activities may not open up. Many play therapy activities allow for both sides of the brain to be engaged at the same time, furthering the processing and firing of the brain’s neural connections. As humans, play is really the foundational building blocks that formed our brain!

What are the benefits of play therapy?

Play therapy is especially beneficial for younger children who do not yet have the skills to communicate their emotions and thoughts through talk therapy. Play allows for the child to express themselves through their play, in a safe and non-judgemental setting. Play is also a necessary activity for children to process their emotions, develop cognitively, and help grow their motor functions. Play therapy has been found to be beneficial for children working through struggles such as: anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorders, depression, attention deficit hyperactivity, autism spectrum, oppositional defiant and conduct disorders, anger management, crisis and trauma, grief and loss, divorce and family dissolution, academic and social developmental, and physical and learning disabilities (Lilly, O’Connor, & Krull, n.d.). Society often times tells children to grow up quickly and learn as fast as possible. However, this is happening without taking the time to get to know how the child’s brain really works, and at what stage that child is at both cognitively and emotionally. Play therapy slows down that process, and creates a wider scope of how we see the child. Play therapy creates a space to better understand how the child functions at all levels, and fills in the missing pieces to their story. Therapist are then able to build up the child’s support system of parents, siblings, teachers, and whoever else might be beneficial to best help the child. Play is really beneficial to anyone, and play therapy is especially beneficial for expression and learning about oneself!

For further questions and information about play therapy, please visit the Association for Play Therapy website for various articles and resources at https://www.a4pt.org.

You can contact Crossroads Family Counseling Center as well. www.crossroadsfamilycouselingcenter.com. We have a monthly newsletter you can sign up for to get more information on topics related to play with children and adolescents, a Pinterest page with Play Therapy activities and our Facebook and Instagram pages sharing about Play therapy books and resources.

Written by:  Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT-S and Kasey Reichard,  MS, Resident in Marriage and Family both specialize in working with children, adolescents, parents, adults and families through play therapy. 

What is Joy?   A feeling of great pleasure and Happiness. But, what is the difference between Joy and Happiness?  Joy is something you choose, it’s an attitude, whereas Happiness is rooted in circumstances.  It’s externally based on events and people.

Who doesn’t like to feel joy and/or happiness?   Joy seems more elusive at times.  Especially when you lead a busy, stressful life. Cultivating Joy seems to take more work.

When we have more Joy in our lives it creates health benefits;

• promotes a healthier lifestyle
• boosts immune system
• fights stress and pain
•  protects your heart
• supports longevity

When we slow down, live in the present and focus on what we are joyful for it seems to spill over into other areas of our life.

Here are Five Things You can do to create joy with your family:

1.  Sit down with your family and have dinner. Even if you can’t do it every night designate one or two nights a week. Having dinner together creates connection as well as healthier eating habits.
2. Talk about what was good/positive about your day. Have everyone share something positive or what brought them Joy.   Even if it’s something small like, I liked my lunch or I made it to work on time.  You can do this in the car, at dinner or at bedtime.
3. Find 10-15 min. a day to play. Play with your children or do something that you enjoy that is fun.  Read a book, exercise or play music. This boosts serotonin in our brain and creates connections.
4. Plan fun activities  with your family for the weekend or a trip in the future to have something to look forward  too.
5. Create a “Joy Jar”.   Write down things that went well for family members or experiences that brought Joy during the year on slips of paper.  At the end of the Year, review them to remember the positive Joys the family experienced throughout the past year.

Joy and Happiness seem hard to find in our stressful, busy lives but taking time to focus on what is good in the present moment and what we are grateful for can bring Joy to you and your family throughout this New Year.

We wish you a Joyful New Year from Crossroads Family Counseling Center! 

Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S is the owner and  Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy.  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

With Thanksgiving approaching  this month it’s a time to spend with family and think about the things we are  thankful and grateful for. A 2012 study published in the industry journal Personality and Individual Differences found a sense of gratitude is an essential ingredient in a happy life, but it does not come naturally to children.and that gratitude was one of the biggest predictors of life satisfaction, no matter what demographic.

Five ways you can work to instill Gratitude in your children:

1. MODEL IT YOURSELF–Make sure to share the things you are grateful for in your every day conversation.  Saying to your child, “”I’m so thankful to have your help”, “ I’m thankful for the beautiful trees.”  Children model their parents in every way, so make sure you use “please” and “thank you” when you talk to them. (“Thanks for that hug — it made me feel great!”) Insist on their using the words, too. After all, “good manners and gratitude overlap,” says New York City etiquette consultant Melissa Leonard.

2. INTRODUCE GRATITUDE AS A GAME–  Christopher Smith recommends focusing on small things by playing a game where each person shares something that they are grateful for. You can play this game while in the car by naming things that you see; you can play this game sitting in a waiting room by naming things that start with different letters of the alphabet. By making it a game, you are allowing your children to learn about all the things they can be grateful for while not making it too serious.

3.  WRITE GRATITUDE LETTERS–This is a version of the thank you note. You can leave notes for your children saying the things you are grateful for about them. You can also teach your kids to think about writing a letter to somebody like a teacher or a family member who has done something for them. This teaches them that it is not just about when somebody gives you something material but when somebody really does something for you. Help your child write the letter – you can dictate for them if they’re younger. Or write or type on a card,  Dear:_________   I’m thankful for____________  and their name.  It does not  need to be a long letter.  People appreciate just being acknowledged and the thought.

A leading researcher in this field, Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people, each compared with a control assignment of writing about early memories. When their week’s assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month

4. ENCOURAGE GENEROSITY-Generosity is the desire to give what you have to others. You can do this by donating food or used clothing and toys to a local food bank or Homeless Shelter.  You can also encourage your child to share their toy or a piece of food with a friend or sibling

A book that discusses generous behavior is:The Bernstein Bears and the Joy of Giving

5.  VOLUNTEER- Volunteering with children is a great way to teach them to give back to others.  An additional benefit of volunteering with your child is the bonding that occurs. If you child is interested in a subject it may be possible to use that subject as a springboard into volunteering: Children who construct a lot of forts or buildings with blocks may enjoy helping out a construction organization such as Habitat for Humanity; and  children who love animals my enjoy helping animal organizations such as the Humane Society.   If you can’t commit to doing something outside the house as a family, figure out some way your child can actively participate in helping someone else.  Even if it’s as simple as making cookies for a sick neighbor. For more information go to http://www.compassionatekids.com/volunteering.shtml.

A fun Fall family activity that can teach gratitude is cutting out colorful leaves and having your children write on the leaf what they are grateful for.

Enjoy this season of change and the beauty of the colorful leaves while remembering to practice gratitude.

At Crossroads Family Counseling Center we are thankful for our co-workers and grateful for the opportunity to work with the children and families that we serve. Happy Thanksgiving!

Written by:  Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S, Owner and Director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC  a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Virginia and a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor (RPT-S).

Every child and adolescent will experience emotional ups-and-downs in their lives; however, some children and adolescents may experience more intense and overwhelming emotions in the form of depression. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), estimates that 1 in 7 adolescents experience symptoms of depression and that rates of child and adolescent depression are increasing. While an individual can experience depression at any time in their life, it is not uncommon for the onset of depression to be in adolescence or early adulthood. Childhood and adolescence is a stressful time, so it makes sense for children and adolescents to feel sad, angry, or irritable sometimes, but if your child has been experiencing these emotions for weeks or months at a time, you may want to talk to your doctor or a therapist about depression.

Like most mental health challenges, depression looks a little different in children than it does in adults. Below are some common symptoms of depression in children and adolescents that AACAP encourages caregivers to look out for: 

• Not enjoying activities as much as they used to
• Changes in appetite and sleep habits
• Spending less time with friends or in activities they tend to enjoy 
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Appearing to be or feeling irritable, depressed, sad, or tearful

In some children and teens, depression may lead to thoughts of suicide or self-harm. If your child is experiencing these thoughts, it is important to seek immediate help. Caregivers should take every comment about suicide or self-harm seriously and reach out for additional support. Call centers can be an especially helpful resource. The Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-TALK) is a confidential hotline that is open 24/7. Some teens may feel more comfortable texting for help. In this case, The Crisis Text Line may be helpful. You can text HOME to 741741 at any time for assistance and support.

If you think that your child may be experiencing symptoms of depression, it is important to consult with a doctor or therapist. Thursday, October 10 is National Depression Screening Day. Check online for resources in your area that you can utilize to help you or your child. In addition to reaching out to professionals, there are things you can do at home to help your child or teen manage symptoms of depression. According to Kids Health, parents can support their children by:

• Help your child manage their physical health by eating healthy food, exercising, and getting enough sleep
• Spend time together doing activities that promote enjoyment, relaxation, and pleasure
• Be patient and kind with your children, even if they’re irritable or rude

If you think that your child may be struggling with depression, the therapists at Crossroads Family Counseling Center can help! Please contact us and set up an appointment today! 

Written by: Emily Janes, Therapist Intern.  Emily is working towards completing her Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy at Virginia Tech University. She graduated from Utah State University with a B.S. in psychology and a minor in human and family development. She is currently under the supervision of Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT-S.

Back-to-School can be a stressful time for parents and children. The start of school can be exciting in many ways – seeing friends again, getting a new teacher, and extracurricular activities – but it can also bring anxiety and nerves for many children. It is not uncommon for children to feel excited and worried about school at the same time! Social worker Katie Hurley said in her article “Anxiety in Children: Helping a Child with Anxiety with the Back to School Transition” that, “Anticipatory anxiety is common among kids with anxiety disorders, and it can begin weeks before the first day of school. The anxious thought cycle that occurs as the transition nears can include worries about learning and understanding new classroom rules, establishing a relationship with a new teacher, meeting academic demands, internalizing a new classroom routine, getting to classes on time, making friends, finding a place to sit at lunch, and completing homework, to name a few.”

Even if your child has not been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, they may experience some degree of anticipatory anxiety around the start of the school year. Anxiety sometimes looks a little different in children than it does in adults. According to Dr. Liz Matheis, your child may exhibit anxiety through (1) agitation, (2) restlessness, (3) refusing to go to school, (4) tantrums, (5) headaches and stomachaches, or many other behavioral and physical symptoms. Especially when children are starting at a new school, transitioning from one level of schooling to another (i.e., moving from elementary to middle school), or going back to a school where they have experienced bullying, it is important for parents to understand their child’s experience and support them. It is important to recognize that your child experiencing anxiety around the start of the new school year is completely normal – when you start to think about all school entails, it makes sense that children would feel nervous about the transitions they are experiencing! Anxiety is a normal part of life and is only a problem if it begins to get in the way of your child accomplishing their tasks and doing the things they want to do. So, what can parents do to help their children cope with the anxiety of starting a new school year? Below or some tips and tricks that you can try out as the new school year approaches:

1. Normalize Your Child’s Experience

Let your child know that it’s okay that they feel nervous about the new school year. Validate their emotions of fear, worry, or sadness that summer is over. There may even be an opportunity for you to share stories of times you were nervous about school! Try to really listen to your child’s concerns and talk them through these challenges instead of brushing them off with a comment like “it will all work out” or “you’re worrying too much”.

2. Create a Coping Plan or Kit They Can Use at School

When your child anticipates feeling anxious in a certain setting or situation, it can be empowering to plan with them around what they can do in-the-moment to cope with their anxiety. Help your child come up with three things they can do in the moment to help cope with their anxiety. For example, (1) Box Breathing, (2) Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or (3) Recite a Mantra. Kids may also benefit from creating a small sensory coping kit that they can place in their backpack for times they feel anxious or overwhelmed.

3. Prepare as Much as Possible

If you notice your child asking a lot of questions about the school and the school routine, prepare and practice as much as you can. Leading up to the start of the school year, do a “trial run” of the morning routine to help your child know what they need to do to catch the bus on time. If possible, go to the school and let them learn where their classroom is and how long it takes to get from class to class.

If you notice that your child is having more anxiety than usual or it looks like your child could use some extra support, we can help! The therapists at Crossroads have extensive experience working with children, teens, and adults experiencing anxiety. Contact us today!

Written by: Emily Janes, Therapist Intern, from Virgina Tech. University, Marriage and Family Therapy Graduate Program. She specializes in working with children, adolescents, adults, and families.

Summer is a time for kids and parents to decompress from the demands of school, running around to multiple activities and obligations. However, it can also be a stressful time for parents trying to manage the unstructured, down-time that summer time brings.

Screen time is one area most parents will struggle with their children this summer.

Teens spend of on average 6.5 hours a day on screens of all sizes, according to a recent survey by the Kaiser Foundation. Kids spend an average of 9 hours a day on media–so this includes listening to music, which is not included in the screen time figure (Common Sense Media recent survey)

According to Delaney Ruston, MD, from ScreenAgers Growing Up in the Digital Age,

Video games, especially ones popular with our kids like Fortnite and Overwatch, are designed to keep you playing. Last year, the World Health Organizationofficially recognized gaming addiction as a true condition.

Studies suggest that gaming disorder affects only a small proportion of people who engage in digital- or video-gaming activities. However, people who partake in gaming should be alert to the amount of time they spend on gaming activities, particularly when it is to the exclusion of other daily activities, as well as to any changes in their physical or psychological health and social functioning that could be attributed to their pattern of gaming behavior.

It is hard, but setting, and maintaining, strict limits and time frames on gameplay, especially for younger children and tweens, will help them make gaming a partof their life instead of their entire life.

Four Tips for Parents:

     1. Set Guidelines-Be realistic about Screen time- have a family meeting and negotiate realistic time lines about the amounts of time and when your child can use screen time.

     2. Have Digital-Free Time- build in the expectation that  your children need to play outside, or have some quiet time reading or playing by themselves.

Here is a Free check list you can download to help create structure and other activities into your child’s schedule before they get screen time.  https://www.thepragmaticparent.com/screen-time-rules-for-summer.

      3. Invite friends over to play. Set a no-screens-allowed rule when friends are visiting. Other parents will                 appreciate this rule, too.

     4. Be a role model-It’s hard to inforce limited screen time when your child notices you using a computer, phone or ipad. Model the type of behavior you want them to have.

If you have concerns that your child may be getting addicted to video games or need help structuring your child’s screen time, we can help.  You can contact us at info@crossroadsfamilycc.com or 703-380-9045.

Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S is the owner and clinical director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and the President of the Virginia Association for Play Therapy. She believes in the power of play!  She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

May is Children’s Mental Health Awareness Month!

For over a decade, we have celebrated this important day, May 9th,  and month to bring awareness to childhood mental health and its importance to overall healthy childhood development. This day was created by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) to promote caretakers attending to children’s mental health and to encourage fostering positive mental health throughout childhood. When we attend to mental health in childhood, it can help children foster resilience, learn important life skills, and contribute to ending the stigma around mental health and seeking mental health services.

This year, SAMHSA chose to focus on the topic “Suicide Prevention Strategies that Work”. Here are warning signs that suggest that your child may be having suicidal ideation or depressive thoughts. Some of these signs include:

• Withdrawing from peers and the family
• Changes in sleeping habits (e.g. sleeping more often)
• Changes in eating habits
• Changes in hygiene
• Increased irritability and angry outbursts
• Increased crying or feelings of sadness
• Decreased joy in activities that used to bring pleasure
• Self-harm

Children oftentimes do not know how to manage these emotions on their own, so it is important for a parent, caregiver, or trusted adult to be on the lookout for these indicators. Parents can check in with their child periodically to see how they are doing by remaining open and understanding. Children often experience frequent changes in mood, and the child’s resistance to talk about it at first is normal.

Here are  questions that parents or caregivers can use to assess for suicidal ideation in their child:

• Do you have thoughts of hurting yourself? If so, how may you harm yourself?
• Do you ever have thoughts of taking your own life? Or think that it may be easier if you were no longer here?
• Do you have a plan of how you would carry out taking your own life?
• Would you like me/us (parents) to take you to the hospital or call a professional to get additional help and to keep you safe?

These questions should be asked in a serious but warm manner to encourage the child to open up. If your child seems at risk of harming themselves,  it is the responsibility of the parent or caregiver to do whatever it takes to keep the child safe. Parents should call their local emergency mental health services or 911  if their child is expressing that they plan to take their own life.

If the child is expressing thoughts, but does not plan on carrying out the plan for suicide, then parents can remove all items that the child has indicated they would use to harm themselves. Additionally, parents can also set up a “24-hour surveillance” and let the child know that they are going to be watching them closely, asking the child to sleep in the parent’s bedroom, and/or keep their bedroom door open at all times. It is important for children to feel that their parents are taking this seriously, and that they are willing to do whatever is necessary to keep them safe.

Talking to the children around you about mental health is so important. Here are resources below that may help you open up a conversation about mental health with the children in your life.

If you have concerns about your child you can reach out for an assessment at 703-380-9045.

References and Resources:

https://www.samhsa.gov/childrens-awareness-day/about

https://sesamestreetincommunities.org/

https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/index.html

Written by: Emily Janes, Graduate Intern working towards completing her Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy at Virginia Tech University. She graduated from Utah State University with a B.S. in psychology and a minor in human and family development. She is currently under the supervision of Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT-S.

Autism is a developmental disability that affects how a person communicates with, and relates to, other people. It also affects how they make sense of the world around them. Autism is a spectrum disorder due to the range of characteristics and qualities that may or may not cause difficulties in someone’s life with autism. All people with autism share certain characteristics, but the level in which it will affect them will range. Often times people will refer to someone as having high, or low, functioning autism, meaning that the autism affects them less if they are high functioning, and more if they are low functioning. Autism can affect how a person communicates, and can often lead people with autism to be considered non-verbal in the way that most people communicate. People with autism may still communicate with the world, but may do it non-verbally, and much differently than most other people.

People with autism sometimes struggle with:

Communication,

eye contact,

Sensory stimulation,

Regulating emotions,

Social cues, 

Being flexible to change.

However, there are many positive traits that come along with the autism spectrum disorder. Some positive characteristics include: high attention to detail, deep focus, observational skills, absorb and retain facts, impeccable memory, visual skills, expertise in a specific subject, analytical/methodical approach to problems, innovative solutions, creativity, tenacity, resilience, determination, accepting of differences and less likely to be judgemental, honest, loyal, and committed. The idea that every person with autism is affected differently, and carries different traits of the disorder, goes to show the power of neurodiversity.

The world is moving towards being much more accepting of people with an ASD. There are many organizations and nonprofits working to bring awareness and treatment to people with ASD. Some of these organizations include: Autism Speaks, Autism Society, Autism Research Institute, Organization for Autism Research, etd. There are also many popular tv shows that have highlighted people with autism, such as: The Good Doctor, Sesame Street, Parenthood, Grey’s Anatomy, etc.. Additionally, there are also children’s books that are geared specifically towards acceptance and understanding of ASD such as: All My Stripes: A Story for Children With Autism, Since We’re Friends: An Autism Picture Book, We’re Amazing 1,2,3! A Story About Friendship and Autism (Sesame Street), etc.

Every year people around the world celebrate World Autism Awareness Day on April 2nd, and Autism Awareness Month the whole month of April. In this process of raising awareness, there are resources for parents who think their child may have an autism spectrum disorder.   For more information go to: www.autism awareness month 2019.

Crossroads Family Counseling Center also works with families with children who have autism on emotional regulationa and social skills.

Written by: Kasey Reichard,  Marriage and Family Therapy Intern specializes in working with children, adolescents, parents, adults and families and play therapy.  Kasey is working towards completing her Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy at Virginia Tech University. She is also a graduate from Florida Atlantic University with a B.A. in Psychology and a minor in Sociology. She is currently under the Supervision of Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT-S                                                                       

Anxiety is a difficult emotion to deal with and manage especially for young children.

According to the World Health Organization, Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health challenge in the United States impacting 54 percent of females and 46 percent of males. The onset for anxiety is around age 7 years old and people with anxiety are 3-5 times more likely to go to the Doctor for physical symptoms that are anxiety related. Unfortunately, only 1/3 of those suffering with anxiety get treatment.

Some common childhood disorders are:

Generalized anxiety disorder, Social Anxiety, Selective Mutism, Separation Anxiety disorder, Panic disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Specific Phobias.

Children are more likely to develop other mental health issues in adulthood, such as depression and substance abuse if anxiety in childhood is not treated.  Anxiety is a chronic condition that   doesn’t go away and you don’t out grow it.

Parents often don’t realize that anxiety is an issue because it often comes out in behavior for children versus a child sharing that they are anxious.

Aureen Pinto Wagner, PhD states that anxiety becomes problematic when it begins to affect a child’s ability to engage in three main responsibilities of childhood:

1. To learn-they have trouble concentrating on their work or fall behind with their assignments.
2. To make friends– they avoid play dates, of fun peer outings such as a Birthday party.
3. To have fun-they have trouble joining in fun activities or organized sports.

There are things parents can do to help children with anxiety according to Clark Goldstein, PhD:

1. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage it.

None of us wants to see a child unhappy, but the best way to help kids overcome anxiety isn’t to try to remove stressorsthat trigger it. It’s to help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as well as they can, even when they’re anxious. And as a byproduct of that, the anxiety will decrease or fall away over time.

2. Don’t avoid things just because they make a child anxious.

Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better in short term, but it reinforces the anxiety over the long run. If a child in an uncomfortable situation gets upset, starts to cry—not to be manipulative, but just because that’s how she feels—and her parents whisk her out of there, or remove the thing she’s afraid of, she’s learned that coping mechanism, and that cycle has the potential to repeat itself.

3. Respect their feelings, but don’t empower them.

It’s important to understand that validation doesn’t always mean agreement. So if a child is terrified about going to the doctor because they are  due for a shot, you don’t want to belittle their fears, but you also don’t want to amplify them. You want to listen and be empathetic, help them understand what they’re anxious about, and encourage them to feel that they can face their fears. The message you want to send is, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this.

If your child continues to struggle with anxiety early intervention can help your child and you get coping skills and learn ways to manage the anxiety.

At Crossroads Family Counseling Center, we specialize in helping children, adolescents and families manage and reduce anxiety.  We work with children as young as 2 years old.  For a free telephone consultation please call 703-380-9045.

Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S is the owner and clinical director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has more than 25 years’ experience working with anxious children, adolescents and families.  In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member  at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and George Mason University School of Social Work.  She provides trainings for parents on how to help their children with anxiety. She can be contacted at Sheri@crossroadsfamilycc.com. 

To an outsider, it may seem like stepfamilies are similar to non-stepfamilies or first-marriage families but, to someone within a stepfamily, the differences can feel overwhelming and confusing. Unlike first-marriage families, stepfamilies form from loss and/or change (e.g., living between two parents, changes in routine and rules of the household). Adjusting to these changes (what we call transitional adjustment) can place a strain on the relationships within the family (e.g., the couple, the adults and children). In addition, adults and children bring their own (and often different) marital and familial experiences/expectations into the new family system, and stepfamilies have a tough time integrating these differing expectations.

We understand how challenging it can be to navigate the challenges of stepfamilies, so here are some suggestions to help make that journey a little easier!

On transitional adjustment: Stepfamilies will encounter a number of transition periods; examples include deciding on family rituals (think celebrating holidays) and having a child who lives between two homes.

For rituals and holidays, we suggest having the entire stepfamily create a discussion around celebrating (insert holiday of your choice). Questions we like to think about are the following:

1. How did you (the adults) celebrate (insert holiday) with your family of origin?
2. How did you (all members) celebrate (insert holiday) in your previous marriage/relationship/family?
3. How do you (all members) celebrate (insert holiday) now?
4. How would you (all members) like to celebrate (insert holiday)?

When a child is living between two homes, a number of difficulties can arise like increased stress of the child, decreased stability and structure, inconsistencies around rules and routines, and decreased cohesiveness of the stepfamily. Cohabitation prior to marriage may provide a prolonged period of transition that can help all the family members adjust to the child living in more than one household. We also suggest that coparents work on creating the same routine, rules, and responsibilities between the two homes so that the child is able to experience consistency from their two, biological parents.

On expectations: Often the expectations that family members carry are unrealistic. For instance, the biological parent may be more warm and engaged with their child because of the shared history and biological ties. This may make them more inclined to think that the stepparent should easily jump into that same role. However, stepparents are often less active and warm with the child – as they are just building their relationship with the child. Biological parents often think that a stepparent should take an active role in parenting (warm, loving, and disciplinarian) while stepparent often may not be comfortable doing so or even have the rapport with the child to take such an authoritative role even if he/she wanted to.

We suggest that stepparents should focus on building a relationship with their stepchild prior to taking on any parenting role. This may mean that the stepparent will simply support the biological parent in their discipline and parenting until a strong connection exists between stepparent and stepchild as opposed to making the decision and then enforcing said decision.. Stepchildren are more receptive to view the stepparent as a true parental figure (or one that provides discipline) when they perceive a strong bond between them and the stepparent.

Stepfamilies sometimes face challenges that are bigger than themselves – meaning that they may need to seek help outside of the family (e.g., counseling). If you find yourself struggling to manage the challenges your stepfamily is experiencing, reach out to Crossroads Family Counseling Center for family therapy sessions

Paige Frasso, M.S. Resident in Marriage and Family Therapy,  She specializes in working work with a variety of clients including children, teenagers, parents, individual adults, couples, and families. In addition, she has experience and enjoys working with families with children by other relatives (e.g., grandparents, aunts and uncles, godparents). She also have  expertise in stepfamily relationships; specifically challenges couples endure during the initial period of connecting two families into one.

Now that it is December the holidays are quickly approaching! This means it is time for children to have a break from school and their busy schedules. It is beneficial for children to be actively engaged on their break, while also allowing them time to relax. A positive way of promoting both engagement and relaxation is by planning activities the entire family can enjoy. These activities can assist in reducing residual stress from school in addition to promoting spending time together as a family. The school year schedule may not allow for substantial time spent together as a family, so it is important to utilize this time to reconnect. Below are a few suggestions of activities you can engage in as a family!

1. Participate in a community service event

Giving back to the community is a wonderful way to spread the holiday cheer. Giving back helps children understand the importance of supporting all individuals in the community and along with allowing them to connect with others whom they may not have had the chance to do so previously. Check out the Volunteer Fairfax website to learn more about family friendly volunteering events.

http://www.volunteerfairfax.org/individuals/holiday.php

2. Attend local events

Attending local events is a fun way to spend a day with the family in addition to supporting your town. An example is The Bull Run Festival of Lights in Centreville, which boasts 2.5 miles of decorated light displays. If you’d like to take advantage of all the event has to offer then head over to the Holiday Village for additional fun. This event attracts children of all ages and is a wonderful way to spend the afternoon and evening. Below is the link for more information on this event.

https://www.novaparks.com/events/bull-run-festival-of-lights

3. Allow children to plan an entire day of activities

Allowing children with the opportunity to plan out a day with minimal restrictions is a great change from the everyday structure of school. This activity allows children to experience some autonomy and provides you with the opportunity to learn more about your children’s’ likes/dislikes. Sit back and watch your children enjoy having “the say” on what is done throughout the day.

4. Spend the day baking or doing arts and crafts

Depending on what your child’s hobbies may be, creative activities can be utilized as a relaxing outlet. These activities can promote mindfulness and assist with reducing stress. If your family prefers physical activities, engaging in exercise is another way to promote family bonding and reduce stress. These activities can include going for a walk, swimming at your local community center or throwing a ball around in the backyard

Whatever activity it may be, ensuring your family spends time together during the holiday break can be beneficial in reconnecting before the new year begins. It helps children feel supported in addition to allowing them the time to relax from the stress of school. If you are struggling with familial relationships and are interested in receiving therapy, contact us at 703-380-9045 or info@crossroadsfamilycc.com. We offer a variety of trained therapists who are qualified to assist with the challenges your family is facing.

Written by: Melissa Trotti, MA, NCC, Resident in Counseling, who is currently pursuing licensure to become a Licensed Professional Counselor. Melissa has experience providing therapy to elementary aged children, adolescents and their families. She utilizes child centered play therapy. 

Did you know 135,000 children are adopted in the United States each year? According to the Adoption Network,  there are 1.5 Million Adopted children in the United States and nearly 100 Million children have been adopted by family members. The average child waits for an adoptive family for over 3 years and the average agedchild waiting for adoption is 8 years old. Also, 6 out of 10 Americans have experience with adoption.  If you have adopted a child you know the challenges, joys and struggles in adopting a child. If you have not adopted a child you may know a family that has adopted or know an adult who has been adopted.

November is National Adoption Month.  This also includes National Adoption Day which is observed annually on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. This event is focused on raising awareness of children in foster care waiting to be adopted, traditionally which is observed in courthouses across the nation, where thousands of adoptions are finalized simultaneously  to raise the awareness of children in foster care waiting to be adopted,

Truths and Myths about adoption from ADOPTIVE FAMILIES:

1. Birth parents can come back and take the child. Once an adoption has been finalized in court, the child is as much the parents as if they had given birth.
2. All birth mothers are unstable teenagers. Most birth mothers are women in their twenties making a well-thought-out choice to give their child a life that they cannot themselves can provide.
3. All adoptees are troubled.Recent long-term studies of adoptees in America show that they are no different in emotional health, psychological well-being, self-esteem, and attachment to family as children raised by their biological parents.

Many families find  a love and joy with their adopted child that they never thought would happen. However, for some families building the relationship with adopted child can  be a challenge. The child may have a different temperament and personality or they may have ADD/ADHD or other mental health issues.  Building the relationship and attachment may take more effort.

Theraplay is a type of playful therapy focusing on building and enhancing attachment, increasing self-esteem in the child, building trust in others, and creating a joyful engagement with the parent and child. The Theraplay Organization, states this type of therapy  is based on the natural patterns of playful, healthy interactions between parents and children and is personal, physical, and fun. Theraplay is an Evidence Based practice treatment developed over 50 years ago. Theraplay is used all over the world.  There is formal research documenting Theraplay’s effectiveness and Theraplay is listed on the National Registry for Evidence-Based Programs and Practices. Studies have shown that Theraplay works with shy and withdrawn children, improves relating in children on the autism spectrum, improves parent-child interaction and the emotional availability of parents to their children, and can even increase self-esteem in adults.

In addition to having research behind it, Theraplay involves qualities and types of interactions that are well-known and well-researched to be crucial in building self-esteem, a healthy body image, emotional regulation (being able to manage the ups and downs of emotions without going too “up” or too “down”), emotional connection with others, and trust in parents or caregivers. When these capacities are nurtured and developed, behavioral problems often significantly diminish and can also disappear.

Theraplay is based on doing simple interactions between the parent and child to assist with building the engagement and joy in the relationship

Five simple Theraplay activities that can be incorporated into daily life are:

By Heather Gilmore, MSW, LLMSW, BCBA

1. Playful Copycat (or Mirroring the Child)

This activity does not necessarily require any physical items or toys. All it takes is having the parent and child both present and ready to interact with each other. The basic idea for this activity is to have the parent playfully copy what the child is doing, such as by having the child begin by clapping his hands together and having the parent clap their hands in the same volume and speed as the child. When the child changes his style of clapping (such as louder or softer), the parent should imitate the child. Eye contact, smiles, and laughs are also helpful to promote a healthy relationship and repair or enhance attachment. Mirroring can also be done with other activities, such as jumping, playing with toys, or facial expressions.

2. Bean Bag Game

Have the child place a bean bag or another soft toy that is fairly easy to balance on top of his head. Have the parent sit in front of the child and place her hands in front of her. The child is then directed to tip his head forward to try to get the bean bag in the parent’s hands. The child should tip his head when the parent blinks her eyes. (This will promote eye contact.) Have the parent use as much eye contact as possible. Again, it is important for the parent and child to have fun with this activity. Laughter has been found to be healing and can help to repair and enhance a relationship. (activity adapted from Walton)

3. Piggy-Back Rides

Piggy-back rides can help to strengthen parent-child relationships and repair or enhance attachment because they involve fun and physical closeness. When children are babies, they need plenty of physical contact with their parents. Babies thrive not only from being fed and kept physically safe, but also from feeling the comfort and security of having their parent close to them.

4. Lotion Massage

Using lotion to massage a child’s hands or feet can enhance attachment and strengthen a parent-child relationship. The massage can relax a person’s physical body by reducing tension and bringing the brain into a less defensive state.

5. Brushing Hair

Sometimes girls can be fussy about getting their hair brushed, especially if they have experienced pain from well-meaning parents brushing their hair too hard. However, allowing a daughter to gently brush her mother’s hair and having a mother gently brush her daughter’s hair can be an activity that can promote connection. This can be a calming activity that includes a sense of nurturing which connects to a person’s internal experience of attachment and bonding.

If you are struggling with building the relationship you would like with your adopted child contact us at 703-380-9045 or info@crossroadsfamilycc.com.  We can help you find the love and joy you are struggling with in your relationship.

Sheri Mitschelen, LCSW, RPT/S is the owner and clinical director of Crossroads Family Counseling Center, LLC, in Fairfax, Va. She has more than 25 years’ experience working with children, adolescents and families.  She is a Registered Play Therapy-Supervisor and is a Level II Certified Theraplay Therapist. In addition, she is an adjunct faculty member  at Virginia Tech’s Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s program and George Mason University School of Social Work.